days gone by

i've been pretty down the past days. well, i can actually say i've been down for the past years. i try to be happy, do happy things, clear my mind of that which makes me sad, but the pain still catches up no matter what. i don't exactly, but i kinda miss my dad, despite being the jerk he was. i miss korean food everyday. i miss hanging out with my hyungs (elder brother) paul and kenny. i feel so detached in the philippines, people assume a lot. i can, but at the same time i can't speak filipino all the time. it's already painful that there's no one to speak to in korean that doesn't think i'm a kpop fan, and it's just as hard to find someone i can converse with in English that doesn't think i'm trying to be cool or anything. 

there's so much i want to say, but i know nobody's listening. i feel so alone, but i have to survive here. 

i'm kinda learning the hard way how this guy i was going out with was playing me. right now i don't know where we are. he said that i should be patient. he spends most of his time with his non-chinese girlfriend - i hope they get married because i'll be very disappointed that he threw me aside for such a waste of time. he said it really hurts him that i'm not a girl, and his family expects him to marry. but his family won't let him marry non-chinese, that i'm sure of. so if he's going to be disowned by his family, i don't get why he chose her instead of me. i don't know. am i just bitter? all they do is fight, and we almost always have happy times together. i don't understand why i wasn't the better option, if he were going to go against his family's wishes.

also, even before we started going out, people have been whispering that he's gay. people think he's gay more than they think i'm gay, even if i'm the weirder person. people have been telling me about his supposed playboy ways, toying around with guys around school. it's okay with me, i accept that part of him. but now he's left me hanging onto an imaginary cliff. 

i don't know what to do.

GIVENCHY and RICCARDO TISCI (and some JJ PROJECT)

riccardo tisci has made givenchy so desirable these days, that even i could not resist liking his output. i never really dwelled on givenchy before. the rottweilers last time provoked me a little, but the birds of paradise and the robots really had me on a chokehold. however, like many people have asked, is a $785 cotton shirt really worth it? i'd say yes after donating the same amount to charity after getting the shirt. most seem to have just bought the shirt.

since i do not have $785 x 2, i have come up with my own solution. i have photoshopped the prints and will have them printed on regular shirts - strictly for personal use only. unless givenchy sends me a shirt lol.

btw, i will still be making a donation in the same amount that it costs me to make the shirt. =P

below are pics of the styles that i really like:

 here are some of the ads and runway pics:

 

and here are some really cool pics of jr (박진영) of jj project wearing givenchy ss 2012:

jj project's debut mv - "bounce"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yvic9sAg64

***all pictures from the internet***

big bang love: juvenile a

i stumbled across this movie while researching ryuhei matsuda, who played ren (meaning lotus) in the first nana movie.

ryuhei-sama plays one of the leads in this takashi miike film. for those who are unfamiliar, takashi-sama is responsible for many japanese cult films like ishi the killer and audition.

i read a lot of reviews about the movie before i saw it, and most reviews (from westerners) said it was confusing and left a lot to imagination.

it was a pretty short film, and after seeing it, it felt a lot shorter as the story became clear to me. it was as tragic as it was normal as it was surreal.

a lot of the central ideas were dealt with indirectly but they werent difficult to identify. i can say that this was a very emotional story, with surreal treatment from a male point of view.

in japanese, the movie is entitled 46億年の恋 (46 okunen no koi), or 4.6 billion year love.

Some interesting scenes from the movie (image from tumblr).

-a hole in the wall becomes a beam of light that pierces ariyoshi jun throught the heart

-he is taken aback and finds his hand on top of kazuki's

-a mayan temple in the fields of the penitentiary

-ariyoshi's hand wipes away kazuki's tears

-kazuki however strikes ariyoshi down

-a rocket ship just beyond the penitentiary fence

-horizontal spiral steps that inmates take to get to the fields

-ariyoshi comforting kazuki

***SPOILER ALERT***

There were a lot of memorable scenes in the movie, including the opening dance of an almost completely tattooed guy; next is the recurring butterfly that at one point alighted on ariyoshi's head; then you have the ever slanted warden's room - either the wall or the desk or the floor is at an angle to the other - a contrast to the wardens pale face; there is the laundry area where ariyoshi is assigned to and gets a lot of talk time with other inmates; the mayan temple represented heaven where there is peace but other people, and the rocket ship brings you to space where there are no other people.

what i think happened is that, since it was a question if kazuki was having sexual escapades with anyone, and the almost killer was in jail for killing his unfaithful wife - and he was told by another inmate that he and kazuki had done it - is that he treated kazuki the way he treated his wife, and tried to kill him.  that is aside from the statement he gave that he tried to kill kazuki - which he thought he could never achieve - so as to do a kind of suicide by provoking someone who can kill you, and gaining atonement for killing his wife. kazuki may have had sexual acts with this guy.

ariyoshi definitely liked kazuki as he saw in him the dancing guy at the start of the film, thats why he sees kazuki having the same tattoos, though there are none. they probably didnt have sex, based on what ariyoshi said that even the act of killing him, kazuki wouldn't give him the chance to.

when the beam of light seeped through the wall, and pierced ariyoshi, and made blood stream down his clothes, it made me see how much emotional burden ariyoshi had. he didnt seem to be the outgoing type of gay man. and the image of the butterfly being electrocuted at the end i see as ariyoshi killing himself after it was proven that he did not kill kazuki, mimicking the act of another inmate who got toasted trying to escape.

i'm really glad i got to see this film, as i can relate to it a lot, i guess i could write a more in depth review, but here's what i have for now. i'll probably watch it a couple more times.

kazuki has been in jail many times, ariyoshi jailed for the first time

 ariyoshi assumed the killer's position and continued to choke kazuki even if he was already dead. kazuki actually was the one who killed himself by making the killer strangle him.

 kazuki showed the same traits - seen by tattoos showing on him - like the man ariyoshi wanted to be like

--- all pictures from the net ---

woah, after more than a year i'm back on this thing yeah.

thanks to some fruit that don't look so good...

i'll take it slow, with a relaxed vibe, and here's the Summer Komikon 2012 swag!

 operasyon by macoy, an autographed pugad baboy bookmark, some cute diskette stickers, some prints and more bookmarks! >.<

 a trese kambal doll, specifically chosen by a fruit, and komikon freebies, i.e poster, fan and a newspaper :)

Still not... 아직은

After all this time, I'm still finding it difficult to find interest again in B2ST. I haven't seen or heard any of their new stuff, although I was a bit worried for 여섭 when he had an operation. he was really nice when I met them.

There's been a lot of new acts since that I've found interest in, like ZE:A, F.Cuz, and Infinite. ZE:A's 하루종일 is definitely one of the year's best for me. I really like Leeu's voice, from F.Cuz, though I find their name really, uhm, strange. Infinite is cool, I really got hooked on their MV for 다시 돌아와, and I like how they're so energetic!

However, the sleeper hit for me was MBLAQ. I really didn't like 'Oh Yeah', but 'G.O.O.D Luv' became one of my faves. 'Y...' was a song I liked, but the video was something I liked more. 'What U want' also became one of my faves up til now. When B2ST and MBLAQ debuted, B2ST won the competition, and I agreed back then. But now, MBLAQ seems a lot better.

G.O from MBLAQ was featured in that Nassun track 'O-IWI-O', and it was just the sexiest song!

no to dying in just underwear.

i got home yesterday after what seemed like 3 nonstop days of debauchery. well not really, just 3 nights of drinking. friday was ginXgrapejuice over a religious debate. one round only as the participants got really into the subject lolz. saturday was still ginXgrapejuice, with A's paternal cousins. an interesting bunch, they carried the session all the way to past midnight with five rounds. i had trouble sleeping that night, maybe cos i wanted something i couldn't get then. the next day was a baptismalXbirthday bash, held near here. it was flooding alcohol and longlife food! i thought i wouldn't make it home after what seemed like a case and a half all to myself, but i just fell asleep. i live alone here, so i find it profoundly lonely. haha. somebody was nice enough to load up my internet, so i'm here. but this'll last till sometime around midnight only. i've hoarded up on vids to watch and songs to check out.

these things keep you young, they say. lolz

being home always leaves me reminiscing, childhood, growing up, what the future could be or when will it all be over. stalker guy still hangs around, but i've kinda found something in this other person. it was kinda love at first sight for me, last year, september-ish if i'm not mistaken. though he's shorter than me, he's a cross between zac efron and jake vargas (in my eyes, lolz). it was this february when he pulled me away from a drinking crowd and said he was okay to have a relationship with me, as long as we keep it from his uncle, who's his guardian. he stays with me in a house i got in the same area his uncle stays with his family. he's also younger, but i've no problems with that. i can tell, kinda, that he's really straight and this is just a phase for him, he'll up and make girls cry and have kids, and i'll be alone like always. maybe he'll make life a little more bittersweet for me by asking to be his kid's godparent, crushing my plan of never having to see him again, lolz. but for now, he means a lot, and i wish i could do more for him.

i'll be here home alone for a couple of days, sleeping, cleaning, chilling. if i die it'll probably be a while before i'm found, as nobody comes here. i just hope i don't die wearing just undies, haha! =D

that half-sphere is the mid-afternoon moon...

i take a lot of pictures and i always bring a camera with me.

nobody loves deviled ham.

except me, i guess. i haven't met anyone who likes deviled ham like i do, and most people don't even know it existed. and a lot seem to be put off by the name. i came across a blog entry sometime back where this person tells about seeing deviled ham at the grocery, and being appalled that somebody had the guts to use the devil as a flavor, and that he was surprised that the church had allowed such a thing to be made. i found it so funny i actually sent a message to the blog author and thanked him for the entertainment. he didn't get my point, though.


deviled ham is ham that is deviled, or spiced so hard that the analogy of it's hotness being devilish was used to name the product. same as corned beef, which does not involve corn as in the yellow ones that come in ears, but rather 'corns' as in big blocks of salt, in the curing process. and spam is actually short for spiced ham.